About Time

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."

This is a quote from one of my favourite films, called About Time. Unlike character Tim, I don’t have the super power to travel back in time. But in a way, as this quote says, all of us we are also time traveling, just that we are traveling with the time flow. Memories, are then our rides to travel back in time.

Now, I have been studying at Imperial for almost two years. Time passes really fast, without me noticing. Thinking about my first year, many things I would like to change if I could really time travel back. I would like to be braver, I would like to care less about other people’s thoughts. Second year, I would like to put less effort into application for internships, if I knew I would get many offers. I would like to be a better friend for many people. I would like to enjoy more the time I spent with my family this Easter break.

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My mom is in love with oil painting and sketching these days. She’s really crazy about it, and does it day and night all the time. She says, it’s healing.

This time, we talked lots when I went home, she gave me advice on life, love, study etc. But what really touched me, was when she started talking about my childhood. Everybody has a fragile part hidden deep in their hearts, for me it’s my childhood. I always think that I am an unlucky child, having a split family, irresponsible father who took me and my sister for fun trips but then disappear for two months; moody mother who always makes a fuss about our small mistakes and give us “moral” lessons to make sure we don’t turn out like my father. I felt no sense of security, and no one understands me, not even my sister who just lived comfortable under my protective shield. So I was so happy to leave for university, i call it my “escaping velocity”, i though earning a college degree would give me the power to live an independent life, a secure life. So I did get what I want, but what came with this glorious independence is loneliness. Though I have good supportive friends, but everyone is self-centred after all…I was so destroyed during the second term of my second year, without the excitement of first year, second year was dreading. I miss my family, with whom I can complete be myself and completely drop my defensive shield.

What changed my perspective on my childhood was when my mom telling me her side of the story. After she divorced my father, she had no career, no passion; she devoured her youth and energy into helping my dad build his company, but when he let go of their marriage she had nothing left. As a women with a broken heart, she had the responsibility to also bring up two children. She confesses, that she knew she was not the best mother, but she couldn’t do more as a women with a broken heart. This explains why she would accuse me and my sister for doing similar things as my father, and she would start crying and start blame my father.

She is not a strong woman I have to say. But listening her side of the story helps. After all, I had a family, after all, I had a mother who would always “be there”. After all, I am still very lucky because it could have been worse.

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Maybe we all like to self pity because it’s the easier way. "It’s not my fault", but how childish it sounds! “Whenever you feel like criticising anyone, just remember all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had”, Gatsby’s father gave this line to him. Past in the the past, I can’t travel back in time to change anything, but now that my perspective about the past has changed, memories then are like time traveling, changing the past.